[The episode begins inside the Loud House with David is sneaking upstair. He take a step in one stair and he close his eye and then he open and look]
David: Phew
[Suddenly, He see Lynn Sr. and Rita rushing up the stairs.]
David: No no no no!
[Th parents shove David off the stair and then Cris shows up and as she rush upstairs]
David: HEY! (as he rush upstair)
Lynn Sr.: [Acknowledging Rita] "Oh, somebody's in a hurry to get to the bathroom."
Rita: "I have an early root canal at work."
Lynn Sr.: "Well, I have to get to my fish guy before the good stuff's gone."
David: Cris, What are you doing?
Cris: My toilet is broken at my house so i'm using the Louds'
David: That's not fair! I was gonna use it first!
[They reach the top of the stairs, and start shoving.]
Rita: [In union with her husband] "I'll just be a minute."
Lynn Sr.: [In union with his wife] "I'll be in and out."
Cris: [In union with David] "Ladies first!"
David: [In union with David] "It's mine! It's mine!"
[They look and see their kids waiting on a long line.]
David: Come on!
Lori: [Pounding on the door] "Leni! What is taking so long?!"
Leni: "Something’s wrong with this mirror." [Lori comes in, sighs knowing Leni's dilemma, and closes the medicine cabinet. Leni looks and is horrified.] "OMGosh! How embarrassing!"
Lori: [Thinking Leni means the mirror.] "Don't worry about it, Leni."
Leni: "This chin hair is like, three inches long."
[Leni pluck it out while Lori is just irritated. Lynn Sr. Rita, David, and Cris just look in disbelief.]
Rita: [To Lynn Jr.] "Lynn, could we cut in front of you? We're running late."
Lynn: "You know the rules, we all gotta wait our turn. Besides, I won a hot dog eating contest yesterday, and those puppies are barking to be let out."
[Rita, Lynn Sr., Cris are now worried and David grew angry.]
[About twenty minutes later, Rita, Lynn Sr., Cris, and David are next, and are trying to hold their bladders in desperation.]
Lynn Sr.: "Ugh, why do we have to live like this?"
David: If I see another long line by tomorrow, I'm going to scream!
Cris: Now, David, Temper temper.
Lana: [From her room] "If you're in a hurry, you should do what I do, use the second bathroom."
Rita: [Annoyed] "What second bathroom?"
Lana: [Pulling out a bucket full of dirty contents.] "Old Sloshie."
[The four deny the offer in repulse.]
Cris: Ewww!
David: Gross!
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, I'm good!"
Rita: "Ugh. No thanks!"
Lana: "Suit yourself."
[She goes back into her room. Rita is still revolted, but Lynn Sr. gets an idea.]
Lynn Sr.: "Wait, wait, wait, wait. Maybe she's on to something. What if we did put in a second bathroom? One that's just for us? I mean, come on. We're adults. We deserve it."
Rita: "Um, no. That will never work. The kids will just take it over. Remember when we got that adjustable bed, just for us?"
[Flashback to the Loud siblings and David on the bed in their parents’ room.]
Lincoln: "And liftoff!" [Pushes the button on the remote.]
[The siblings and David start bouncing up and down on the bed when Lisa flies out the window, lands on the ground, and the adjustable bed is broken.]
Lisa: "I'm okay!"
[They look at their parents with annoyed looks on their faces, end flashback.]
David: Yes but we apologize for that.
Lynn Sr.: But, what if they didn't know about it? We could build in the basement, or the attic."
Rita: "Or our closet."
Rita, Lynn Sr., David: [Excitedly] Oooh!
Cris: "Wait, That's not right! You're talking about lying to the children. Do we really want to do that?"
[Lynn Jr. has finished doing her business and gestures to the four that the bathroom is all theirs, or rather what's left of it.]
Lynn Sr. Rita, David, and Cris: [Seeing the waste dump that was the family bathroom.] "Yes, we do."
[Later that day, the twins are playing in the yard, Lana making mud pies, and Lola ribbon dancing. Rita, Lynn Sr., David, and Cris sneak behind the tree with construction equipment, check to see that the twins weren't looking and sneak closer to the house. They stop at the front door when they see Leni coming out, she doesn't notice them, and they slip inside. They give each other a thumbs up, but Lori comes in accidentally hitting them with the front door while she is on her phone.]
Lori: "Miguel and Todd are literally so annoying."
[The four drop to the floor in pain.]
[Later, in the living room, Lincoln is watching ARGGH! while Lisa is reading.]
Hunter Spector: [On TV] "I feel an eerie presence. Time to rev up my ghost containment device."
[Hunter pulls out a vacuum cleaner like device and starts sucking at a hole in the floor, while action music starts playing.]
David: Hey guys. Watcha doing?
Rita: "Oh, you guys watching ARGGH!?" [Giggles] "Fun, but how can you even hear it?"
[Rita grabs the remote and maximizes the volume, causing Lincoln and Lisa to cover their ears.]
Lisa: [Over the loud music] "MOTHER, THAT'S TOO LOUD! IT'S AGGRAVATING MY TINNITUS!"
David: WELL, THIS IS THE LOUD HOUSE AFTER ALL BUT YOU'LL NEED EARPHONES!
[While Lincoln is still covering his ears, Rita places earphones on Lisa and she and David goes into the room. They gives Lynn Sr. and Cris a thumbs up and the four strap on their goggles. Lynn Sr. takes a crowbar, hands Rita a sledge hammer, and David and Cris start ripping out the back wall of their closet.]
[Later, Lynn Sr. comes out of the closet stuffing the debris into his pants, he awkwardly walks out of the room, through the kitchen, and into Lynn Jr.]
Lynn: "Hey, Dad." [Lynn Sr. shrieks in surprise, sees the debris starting to drop, and readjusts it, much to Lynn Jr.'s confusion.] "Are you okay?"
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, yeah, just a little stiff in the joints, [readjusts the rubble] not gettin' any younger."
[Awkwardly smiles, but Lynn Jr. gets what he's implying.]
Lynn: "You just need an adjustment." [cracking her knuckles] "Come here."
Lynn Sr.: [Hesitating] "No, no, no, no, no. No, no, I can, uh, I can walk it off."
[Starts awkwardly walking out the backdoor. Once he's out, he lets out a sigh of relief, buries the debris, pulls some piping out of the van, lets out another sigh of relief, and walks back into the kitchen, his pants are even bulkier than before. He and Lynn Jr. exchange awkward glances, and he awkwardly starts walking back to his room, pipes clanging, much to Lynn Jr.'s concern.]
Lynn: "Dad, it sounds like you're getting worse. You gotta let me help you."
Lynn Sr. "Nah! No, no, no, no. I'm just dehydrated." [Drinks out of the flowerpot on the table, scoffs the flowers down with it, causing him to choke a little.] "Y'see? much better."
[Awkwardly walks back to his room, with Lynn Jr. looking at him quizzically.]
[Later that night, Luna is in her bed, snoring away, when Cris comes in, with a guitar in her hand.]
Cris: "Hey, Lunes. Let’s get the show in a road!"
[Starts playing. Luna wakes up, not in the mood for a jam session.]
Luna: "Cris, I'm trying to catch some Z's. I got school tomorrow."
[Lies back down and tries to go back to sleep.]
Cris: "Come on, which is more important? School," [Brings out her purple guitar] "or rock and roll?"
Luna: [Waking back up, now interested.] "Well, when you put it that way..."
[Takes her axe from Cris, jumps down from her bed, and the two start rocking out. The camera zooms out and reveals Luan waking up annoyed with their jamming.]
Luan: [Wakes up, flabbergasted] "Have you guys lost your minds?!"
[Meanwhile, down in the parents’ bedroom, Rita hears the noise, and starts readjusting the pipes.]
[Later, Lola comes downstairs, timid, and knocks on her parents' door.]
Lola: "Mommy, Daddy, I had a nightmare. I wanna sleep in your bed."
[Rita, Lynn Sr., David, and Cris are carrying a toilet, and wearing head lamps. They grow nervous.]
Rita: "What do we do?"
David: "I got this." [They put the toilet down. David jumps out the window and crashes into something.] "Oof! I'm okay."
Lola: [Impatient] "Let me in! What are you doing in there?"
David: [From behind Lola] "Lola," [Lola jumps and screams] "Maybe I can sleep with you tonight."
Lola: [Confused and scared] "How did you get out here?" [Suspiciously] "And, why are you wearing that weird hat?"
David: "Shh, it's all a dream."
[David pick up Lola back to her bed, while she is even more confused.]
[The next day, two vans and a pick up truck are parked outside the Loud House. Five workers are inside.]
Rita: "Okay, guys, let's go through this one more time. Sammie and Whitney, you need to finish the plumbing hook up so Kevin can close up the wall. Mike, you tie in to the junction box while Karla primes the ceiling." [Karla gestures in agreement] "Everybody good?"
[Everybody nods, but suddenly, a few complications arise.]
Lincoln [From outside] "I call the T.V. remote."
Lana: [Also from outside] "No way!"
Lola: [From outside] "Me!"
Lynn Sr.: [Panicking] "Ah! The kids!"
David: Red alert! Red alert!
Lisa: [As she, Lincoln, Lucy, Lana, and Lola walk in.] "No, I call dibs on the remote."
[They notice something odd. Rita, Lynn Sr., David, Cris and the five workers on the floor, reading.]
Lynn Sr.: [Looks up from his book] "Kids, hey, what are you doing home from school so early?"
Lincoln: [Annoyed] "Ask Lisa."
Lisa: [Scoffs] "One little nuclear accident and everybody over reacts."
Lana: "What's going on here?"
Rita: [Nervous] "It's our, uh, uh, new book club."
Lisa: [Looking at the book David is reading.] "Beauty and the Beast? What's to discuss about a beast who turned back into a human after Belle say I love you?"
David: "Shh! Lisa, spoiler."
[Later that night]
Lynn Sr.: "I can't believe we pulled this off."
Rita: "Me neither."
[Rita turns the tub on, and lets her bubble bath fill. Lynn Sr. brushes his teeth, Cris files her nails, and David does a crossword puzzle while Rita takes her bath.]
Rita: [Relaxed sigh] "No filthy bathtub ring. No banging on the door." [sinks lower] "This must be what heaven is like."
David: "I'm doing a crossword puzzle, on the toilet, just ‘cause I can. I am so glad we did this!"
Rita: [Excitedly] "Us too, David, and it's all ours!"
[They smile at each other.]
THE NEXT DAY
[Everyone's getting ready for school.]
Lynn Sr.: "Come on, kids! We're running late!"
Rita: [At the door handing out lunches] "Everybody out! Let's go! Let's go!"
[Realizes she's out of lunches, then closes the front door. Everyone loads up in Vanzilla. Lynn Sr. looks in the mirror and realizes something.]
Lynn Sr.: "Wait a minute, where's Lana?"
David: "I'll get her."
[He leaves Vanzilla, and goes back into the house to find Lana searching through the couch.]
Lana: "Ugh, where'd it go?"
David: "Lana, what are you doing?"
Lana: "I can't find my lucky bone."
David: "I'll find it for you while you get in the van and get ready for school."
Lana: Okay. (as she goes out the door)
(David started to look for the lucky chicken bone while everyone is off the school)
David: Now where can that lucky chicken bone be?
[Once Charles wakes up and sees that they're gone and he started to play with Lana's chew toy, he breaks into the parents' secret bathroom, and spit the chew toy onto the carpet.]
[Later at 2:30 PM, David look in Lynn and Lucy's room and found Lana's lucky chicken bone under Lynn's bed]
David: There it is! Lynn and her superstition. She should've take Lana's lucky chicken bone without her permission.
[Then he hear the Van honking]
David: They're home! Better give this to Lana. (as he go out of Lynn and Lucy's room)
[Later, Rita is in the secret bathroom.]
Rita: "Dr. Feinstein gave us new toothbrushes as a bathroom warming present! Wasn't that thoughtful?!"
Lynn Sr.: [Acknowledging Rita's tone of voice and whispers, appearing through the mirror] "Honey, secret bathroom voice."
Rita: "Oh, right." [Drops the toothbrush] "Whoops." [Bends over to pick it up, but suddenly sees Lana's chew toy] "Lynn, David, Cris!"
Lynn Sr.: [Pops in] "What's wrong?"
David: [Pops in] Where's the fire?!
Cris: [Pops in] What's going on?
Rita: "Look what I found on the floor, Lana's chew toy."
Cris: "Uh oh! The kids are on to us. They've been sneaking in here behind our backs."
Rita: [Annoyed] "Fine! Our secret bathroom may not be a secret anymore, but it's still ours! We'll just have to lay down the law with them."
Lynn Sr.: "Absolutely."
David: But what if they grew angry and started fighting?
[They picture it going down]
Fantasy Lynn Sr.: "Sorry, guys, but you just can't use the new-"
[Before he can finish, the kids trample them, rampage into the new bathroom, and start fighting, Lisa getting thrown out. End of fantasy.]
Rita: "Good point."
Lynn Sr.: "I've got a better idea: Security measures!" [Later, Lynn Sr. is installing a lock on the door.] "That'll show those little sneaks." [Right before he closes the door, Cliff hops in, hides behind the toilet, looks around, and starts playing with the toilet paper roll.]
[Later, Lynn Sr. returns, and gasps.]
Lynn Sr. [Shocked] "Rita, David, Cris! [As his wife shows up] Look at this!"
David: "Must be Lynn. She's always way to aggressive with the roll! [Cliff sneaks out] But how did she get in?"
Lynn Sr: "These kids are like master safe crackers! What was I thinking, just using one lock?"
[Later, he is closing the extra locks they installed.]
Lincoln: [From outside the room] "Dad, we're gonna be late for school."
Lynn Sr.: [Nervously stutters] "Uh... Just a second, buddy." [Closes the last lock] "Let's see 'em get past that."
[Walks away. Meanwhile, in the twins' bedroom, Hops is trying to catch a fly, he grapples himself into the vents, which leads into the parents' secret bathroom, he falls in the toilet, leaving a ring of water, the fly heads back into the vents with Hops in pursuit, leaving the ring of water for the parents to find later.]
Rita: "Dang it!"
Cris: [Appalled] "Lincoln. That kid always forgets to put the seat up."
Rita: "Let's face it, guys. They win!"
Lynn Sr.: [Determined] "No way."
Rita: "What else can we do? Your security measures obviously aren't working."
Lynn Sr.: "Maybe not, but I'm just getting started." [Later, Lynn Sr. is showing Rita, David, and Cris his newest security measures.] "There is no way they can get past this. Surveillance camera, motion sensor, and check this out." [presses a remote, activating a laser field.] "Lasers, people, lasers. And just in case they do get in," [presses part of the wall on the inside of the bathroom, revealing a security panel.] "I've installed a security panel on the inside."
[Activates the panel]
Electronic Voice: "System lock, engaged."
Lynn Sr.: "So they won't get out."
Cris: [Pumped] "We'll catch 'em with their pants down!" [realizes what she just said] "So to speak."
[Lynn Sr., Rita, David, and Cris maniacally start laughing, and high five each other.]
[Later that evening, Lynn Sr. is shaving, David brushing his teeth, and Cris flies her toenails, while Rita takes a shower.]
Lynn Sr.: "How's the water pressure, honey?"
Rita: "Great! I'm loving waterfall mode."
[Lynn Sr. wipes off the shaving gel, and attempts to leave. However, the door is locked.]
Lynn Sr.: "Whoops, forgot about my kid trap." [Punches some numbers into the keypad, but the panel returns "ERROR INCORRECT".] "Uh, guys, do you remember the door code?"
Rita: [Pops her head out of the shower.] "Uh, Uh-uh, you said it was one of the kids’ birthdays."
David: Or how air presure of Lily's inflatable diaper
Cris: Or one the algebra.
Lynn Sr.: "I'll try kid's birthday." [Punches in more codes, only for the panel to return another message, which Lynn Sr. reads out loud.] "Too many password attempts, access blocked? Guys, I need your help, I locked us in."
Rita, David, Cris: WHAT?!
Rita: "Hold on." [Attempts to turn the shower off, only for the handle to break off, increasing the water flow.] "Uh, Lynn?"
[Water starts flowing out of the tub, filling up the room, Rita puts her robe on and joins Lynn Sr.]
David: NOT THE SHOWER TOO!
Lynn Sr.: "Wow, you weren't kidding about that water pressure."
Rita: [Pulling out a toothbrush] "Maybe I can pry the door open with this toothbrush. [Tries, but the brush breaks, much to Rita's aggravation.] "Oh, thanks for nothing, Feinstein!"
[Lynn Sr. tries to pull the vents off, causing Rita to panic.]
Cris: David, wait! Don't forget we wired the vents!"
[David gets electrocuted and falls into the water. He pops back up.]
David: "Dang it, forgot about that security measure."
Rita: "What are we gonna do?!"
[Realizing that their only other option was drowning.]
David: There is only one thing to do. We must scream like bloodless cowards.
David and Cris: [In union with Rita and Lynn Sr] HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!
Lynn Sr.: [In union with Rita, David, and Cris] "Lori! Lisa!"
Rita: [In union with Lynn Sr., David, and Cris] "Help!"
[Cut to the kids waiting in line for the upstairs bathroom.]
David: [From downstairs] "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"
[Everyone hears this.]
Lori: [Confused] "What's going on?"
Rita: [From downstairs] "Help!"
[Everyone races downstairs. Lana comes out of the bathroom, - with toilet paper stuck to her shoe - grabs Lily, and follows the others. They enter their parents' bedroom, and find it empty.]
Luna: "Mom? Pops? David? Cris?"
Rita: [From inside the closet] "Help, we're locked in!"
Lincoln: [Confused, as are the rest of his sisters] "What are you doing in your closet?"
Luan: "Probably just hangin'." [Laughs, and Lisa grows suspicious.]
Lisa: "Uh, why the preponderance of security devices?"
Lynn Sr.: "Never mind that! Just get us out! Break the door down if you have to!"
Lynn: "Now you're talkin'." [Runs out, grabs the hat stand, while her siblings get out of the way.] "Gangway! For honor!" [Lets out a war cry as she battering rams the door, which breaks open. Rita, Lynn Sr., David, and Cris scream as they flow out with the water.]
Lori: [Repulsed, with water on her shoe.] "Why is there water in your closet?"
Leni: [Looking into the closet, and following up on what Lori was asking.] "Why is there a bathroom in your closet?"
[The other siblings look, and see the secret bathroom, and the parents, David, and Cris realize something.]
Lynn Sr.: "Uh, you, you didn't know about it?"
[The kids clamour over each other and confirm that they didn't.]
Siblings: "No." "Why would we?" "This is weird."
Lola: "Uh, care to explain?"
Rita: "We didn't want to wait in line anymore, so we built our own bathroom and we kept it a secret from you guys. Which was wrong."
Lynn Sr.: "Yeah, we're always telling you kids to be patient and wait your turn, and here we cheated the system and put ourselves first.
David: We're really sorry."
Cris: "To make it up to you, you guys can use the new bathroom, anytime."
Luan: [Taking a second look] "Too bad there isn't much of a bathroom to use anymore."
Lana: [Checking out the damage] "Nah, you can fix it. You just need a new subfloor and new tiling. [Something falls] And a total re-pipe."
Lynn Sr.: "Uh, there's no money left. I spent it all on the security system."
[He, Rita, David, and Cris both whimper.]
Leni: "Don't be sad. You can still share the upstairs bathroom with us, right guys?"
[They all nod in agreement, Rita, Lynn Sr., David, and Cris look at each other.]
Lynn Sr.: "Even if we are going back to one bathroom, we sure have some ding dang terrific kids."
[Family hug]
[The next morning, Rita, Lynn Sr., David, and Cris are racing up the stairs again in desperation for the bathroom.]
Rita: "Fish market emergency?"
Lynn Sr.: "Nope, I just really have to go."
Cris: Ladies first!
David: No, It's mine!
[When they got tot he top, They see the long line of people.]
Lynn: "Hey, David."
David: [Panicky] "Ah! There's no time! [Desperately tries to hold his bladder, but in the end, he can't take it and runs into Lana's room.] "Lana, where's Old Sloshie?"
[Cris looks on with concern.]
THE END