[Episode start at Lincoln's School; Lincoln opens up his locker, but someone pantses him.]
Lincoln: [to someone off-screen] "Really?"
[The other kids laugh at and take photos of his expense; after class; Lincoln gets out of his desk, but the same kid tied his shoelaces together and he trips and falls.]
Lincoln: [sarcastically] "Oh, real original!"
[The other kids laugh and photograph this, too; at lunch, Lincoln sits down in his favorite lunch seat only to make a fart noise and find that he sat on a whoopee cushion.]
Lincoln: [sarcastically] "That's real mature!"
[The other kids laugh and photograph again; the bell rings and he checks his locker only for a pile of garbage to fall onto him; the kids do what they did before again.]
Lincoln: [opens up a door from the trash; not taking it anymore.] "All right! That's it!"
[Lincoln and David are walking home from school.]
David: "So, you really confronted that bully?"
Lincoln: "That's right. I said to meet me at 3:30 in front of my house, and we're gonna settle this."
Clyde: [worried for his friend] "Whoa! You're gonna fight?!"
David: I don't think it's a good idea.
Lincoln: "I'm not an animal, Clyde and David. I'm going to deliver a strongly worded speech...as soon as I write it."
Clyde: [noticing something] "Looks like that bully left you a note of their own."
Lincoln: "Huh?" [sees a sticky note on his head, pulls it off, and reads it.] "Lame-O."
[There's also a piece of gum in Lincoln's hair.]
David: [sniffs the gum] "Ooh! Watermelon lime!"
Lincoln: "Better not let my sisters see this, 'cause then they'll want to get involved and make things worse, the way they always do."
Clyde: "I don't know. Maybe they'd be helpful. Your sister Lori gives great advice. She told me to never be myself. I love that woman." [looks lovesick]
Lincoln: "Aw, Clyde. Sweet, innocent Clyde.
David: Come on, Lincoln. I agree with Clyde when he say that they'd be helpful.
Lincoln: "You don't understand what it's like to have ten meddling sisters."
[Flashback to what looks like Lincoln being sick; Lori puts a thermometer in his mouth and checks his temperature; Lisa comes in with an X-Ray machine and takes his X-rays, leaving him with glowing radiation; Luan dressed as a doctor with a clown nose and Luna bandaged him up real tight; Lincoln muffles and Luan removes the bandages covering his mouth so he can breathe.]
Leni: [carrying a bowl of piping hot soup] "Here comes the airplane!" [spills it all over Lincoln's crotch] "Oopsie."
Lincoln: [agonized] "Aahh! It burns!" [as Leni walks off screen embarrassed.]
[Luna and Luan bandage up his crotch; end flashback.]
Lincoln: [holding up a finger with a bandage wrapped around it.] "And that was just a paper cut!"
Clyde: "Well, then, you'd better get that gum out. You wanna look intimidating for that bully."
Lincoln: "I was born intimidating." [tries to pull it out, but it's too grody to touch for him.] "Ew, ew! Gross!"
Clyde: "You know, peanut butter will get that gum out."
Lincoln: "Should I use chunky or smooth?"
Clyde: "Well, if you use chunky, you're gonna have to use smooth to get the chunks out."
Lincoln: "Good point. Thanks, pal."
David: I don't know about this but if you need me, I'll be playing video games in the basement.
[Lincoln goes into his house and looks around to see if any of his sisters are lurking; the coast is clear and he steps in and puts his backpack on the floor; just then, a news broadcast weather board appears next to him with his face in the sun.]
LHN 6 LIVE
WEATHER REPORT: CLEAR SKIES
KEEP UMBRELLA HANDY
Lincoln: "The National Weather Service reports clear skies with only a 20% chance of meddling sisters. But we advise keeping your umbrella handy."
[Lily is playing with some of her toys and notices Lincoln coming in.]
Lincoln: "Shh..." [steps on a squeaky toy and lifts his foot up with some squeaking aftershocks from said toy.]
Lincoln: "Shh..." [sneaks off]
Lori: [from the other room] "Hold it right there!"
[Lincoln thinks Lori has spotted him, but she's really talking to a friend of hers on her phone.]
Lori: "He wore cargo shorts on your date? That is literally the worst thing I have ever heard."
Lincoln: "Phew." [sneaks into the kitchen and gets to the fridge and looks for the peanut butter.] "Peanut butter, peanut butter...where's the peanut butter?"
[Luna comes in humming a tune and Lincoln hides the gum by sticking his head in one of the crisper drawers.]
Luna: "Hey, bro."
Lincoln: "Oh, hey, Luna. What's the haps?"
Luna: [seeing Lincoln's position] "Rad way to chill out, bro."
Lincoln: "Right. Totally rad."
Luna: "Hey, hook me up with some pudding."
Lincoln: [feels around for a pudding cup and touches a piece of broccoli.] "Gross!" [shakes the broccoli texture off his hand, finds a pudding cup and hands it to Luna.]
Luna: "Thanks. Stay cool." [leaves]
[Lincoln gets his head out of the crisper drawer with a head of cabbage on the gum and shakes it off; he finds the peanut butter jar.]
Lincoln: "Peanut butter!" [opens the jar and discovers that it's empty; frustrated.] "Ah! Why do people put empty jars back in the fridge?!" [puts it back in despite what he just ranted about] "I need a Plan B."
Lori: [still on the phone] "Socks and sandals? Cut it out!"
Lincoln: ""Cut it out." That's it!" [sneaks past Lori]
Lori: "Now that is literally the worst thing I have ever heard."
[Lincoln sneaks into his parents' room and grabs a pair of scissors to cut the gum out with; as he makes his way to the staircase, Luan is coming down and Lincoln sticks the gum to the wall to hide it.]
Lincoln: "Hey, Luan."
Luan: "Hey, Lincoln. What do you think of this joke? "If I were you, I'd go for the baboon!""
Lincoln: [puzzled] "I don't get it."
Luan: "Oh. Well, that's just the punchline. I still gotta think of the setup." [walks away]
[Lincoln heads up the stairs and makes it to the door to his room, but his mother calls him.]
Rita: [off-screen] "Lincoln, honey! I need you to take out the trash!"
Lincoln: "Okay, Mom! Five minutes!"
Rita: "Not five minutes! Now!"
Lincoln: "I will! Just give me three minutes!"
Lynn Sr.: "Lincoln, listen to your mother!"
[Lincoln groans, sneaks around to avoid his sisters, and takes the trash out; Leni is coming and he puts the trash lid on the gum to hide it.]
Leni: "Hey, Lincoln. Is my desk lamp in there? I can't find it anywhere."
Lincoln: "Nope. Have you tried looking on your desk?"
Leni: "So smart!" [sees the lid on Lincoln's head] "What's up with that hat?"
Lincoln: "Oh, this?" [striking a few poses] "These are all the rage right now. I'm surprised you didn't know."
Leni: [inspired] "Hmm..."
[Lincoln sneaks back to the door to his room.]
Lincoln: "Phew." [gets ready to open the door, but Lisa catches him.]
Lisa: "Greetings, human. There's Liquidambar Styraciflua in your follicular area."
Lincoln: "A what in my who now?"
Lisa: "You've got gum in your hair."
Lincoln: "Oh, yes. I'm sure it's just-"
Lisa: "I assume that being of average intelligence, you didn't place it there yourself. Therefore, I can only deduce that someone has been picking on you."
Lincoln: [begging his genius sister] "Lisa, please! You can't tell! I don't want everyone getting involved."
Lisa: "Don't worry. I do not have enough room in my brain for this kind of tomfoolery." [walks away]
Lincoln: "Phew." [enters his room]
[Lincoln takes out the scissors and snips the gum out, but just as he's about to dispose of it, Lynn kicks the door open with every sister there.]
Lynn: "You're being picked on!"
Lincoln: [irritated] "Lisa, I thought you weren't going to say anything."
Lisa: "No. What I said was I did not have room in my brain for your secret. Hence, I removed it and transferred it to Lynn, whose brain apparently has ample room."
Lynn: "Thanks." [beat] "Hey!"
Luna: "So, you are being picked on!"
Lincoln: [nervous] "Of course not!"
Luan: [points to the gum] "Then what's that?"
Lincoln: "That's just my gum." [chews it trying to cover it up but obviously disgusted by it.] "Mmm...watermelon lime. And hair!"
[Lincoln coughs it out and the girls start demanding him to let them help him.]
Lincoln: [begging them] "Guys! Guys! Please stay out of this! You'll only make it worse!"
Lori: "If by worse you mean better, I agree."
Lola: "You should go straight to the school principal!"
Lori: "Forget that. You should literally text an embarrassing picture of him to all his friends."
Luan: "I'm gonna write an insult comedy routine that will leave him in tears!"
Lynn: [flips at Lincoln] "Hoo-wah!" [kicks him] "Basic stealth ninja kick. That's how you're gonna take him down." [Lincoln groans and gives us an update on the weather of his life with storm clouds coming in over his face.]
SISTERNADO WARNING: CATEGORY 1 BUTTING IN
PRIMARY RISK: Making things worse for me
BREAKING NEWS: FIRST ALERT SEVERE SISTWISTER THREAT
Lincoln: "Well, folks, the National Weather Service has just released a Category 1 Sisternado Watch. We advise boarding up your windows and preparing your emergency supplies."
[Lynn suddenly grabs him and has him in a hold.]
Lynn: "That's the camel clutch. Another good option for ya." [gets off him]
Lincoln: "Look, I don't need any-"
Luan: "We'll start with some basic dumb jokes. Like, "You're so dumb you locked yourself inside your car." That kind of thing."
Lola: "Ooh I know! I'll invite him to a tea party and make him use the chipped cup!" [has a sinister smile with a sinister sting to accompany it] "I'm so evil, sometimes I scare even me."
[Lincoln notices Lynn standing in a strange pose.]
Lincoln: "What are you doing?"
Lynn: [pulls Lincoln's shirt over his face] "Surprise mime attack! I invented that one myself."
Lincoln: [pulls his shirt back down] "Lynn, I'm not going to fight. I-"
Lynn: "Ugh! Fine! I'll take care of this myself." [walks off]
Luna: "You should do this!" [slams a pair of cymbals right in Lincoln's ears] "His ears'll be ringing for days!"
Luan: "Ugly jokes are always good, too. Like, "You're so ugly, you have to trick-or-treat over the phone!""
Lincoln: [his ears still ringing] "What?!"
[Lynn returns with a boy and is carrying him by the seat of his pants.]
Lynn: "Look! I found him!"
[The girls surround him and are not very happy with him.]
Lori: "How dare you bully our brother! Only we get to do that."
Lana: [spits the gum right into Lincoln's hand] "Smoosh your watermelon lime gum in his hair, Lincoln!" [sees Lincoln is too hesitant to do it] "Fine. I'll do it."
Lincoln: "Wait! Stop! This guy isn't my enemy! Although, thanks to you, he probably will be now."
[The boy growls at him for what he's been put through.]
Lynn: "Oh." [kicks the boy out] "Why are you still here?"
Lana: "I can't believe I almost wasted perfectly good gum on him." [takes gum back and chews it]
Lynn: "I'll go get another boy." [proceeds to do so]
Lincoln: "No! Lynn, stop! It's not even a boy!"
[Lynn suddenly stops surprised at that fact and the others are perplexed.]
Leni: "Is it a dog?"
Lincoln: [sighs] "It's a girl..."
[The girls are flabbergasted and gasp to hear the news, but then, all of them except Lisa start squealing with delight.]
Lincoln: [perplexed] "What?"
[All the girls except Lisa give him a big group hug and suffocate him.]
Lisa: "Normally, I don't care for inane human emotions, but..." [squeals just as delighted as they did and joins the hug.]
Luna: "Lincoln! Why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?"
Lola: "She sounds so pretty."
Lincoln: [suffocating] "What is happening?"
[They all release Lincoln from their hug.]
Lori: "When a girl picks on you, that only ever means one thing: she likes you~."
[The girls all squeal again and Lincoln is just completely dumbfounded at this explanation.]
Lincoln: [Disbelieving] "That's ridiculous! She shoved a sandwich down my pants! I was picking sesame seeds out of my butt for days!"
[The girls swoon over such a non flirty prank.]
Leni: "So romantic..."
Lori: "That's a classic."
Lincoln: [getting mad] "You guys are nuts! She hates me! I'm gonna meet her today and give her a piece of my mind!"
Lori: "You need to give her a piece of your heart instead."
Lincoln: [scared] "What?!"
Leni: "I think he needs to kiss her."
[Lily makes kissy faces in agreement.]
Lincoln: [petrified] "What?!"
Sisters: "Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!"
[At that moment, as the girls continue chanting Lincoln to kiss his bully, they all start forming miniature tornadoes around them and merge together to create the Sisternado; a weather warning pops up with the tornadoes taking over Lincoln's space.]
SISTERNADO RED ALERT
David: WHOA! YIKES! LINCOLN! WHAT'S GOING ON
Lincoln: "I'll tell you what's going. This just in from the National Weather Service! The Sisternado watch has been upgraded to a Sisternado warning. Take cover immediately!"
Sisternado: "Kiss her! Kiss her!" [traps Lincoln inside] "Kiss her! Kiss her!"
[Lincoln and David escapes and runs into the bathroom to seek shelter and picks up his radio.]
Lincoln: [panicking] "David, My sisters have lost their minds! They think the bully likes me! They want me to kiss her!"
David: "I don't know. Maybe they're right, Lincoln."
Lincoln: "My sisters are never right! All they do is meddle."
David: "They're girls, Lincoln. They know more about these things than we do. It's a scientific fact."
Lincoln: "Yeah, but there's no way that-" [suddenly starts considering the possibility] "Wow. Me? You really think she might like me? How would I know?"
David: "There's only one way to find out."
[Lincoln goes out to confront the Sisternado.]
Sisternado: "Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!"
Lincoln: "Hold it!"
[The Sisternado comes to a stop and the sisters turn back to normal.]
Lincoln: "So am I going to kiss this girl or what?" [smirks]
[The girls sans Lisa squeal again.]
Lisa: "Again..." [squeals again]
David: Good luck, Linky.
Lincoln: "It's 3:30. Lola, lip balm." [Lola applies it] "Lana, breath mint." [Lana puts it in his mouth] "Let's do this." [heads on out to meet the girl of his dreams.]
Lynn: "Go get her, Romeo."
Lori: "You so got this, little bro."
Lola: "Aw, our little Lincoln."
Lana: "All grown up."
[Lola hands Lana a tissue for her to blow her nose.]
Leni: [wearing the trash lid on her head having believed Lincoln's lie.] "All the bridesmaids should wear these hats at Lincoln's wedding. These are all the rage right now."
[Lincoln steps outside, marches up to his bully, and gives her a kiss.]
Sisters: [sweetly] "Aww..."
[The bully, however, responds to this romantic gesture by punching Lincoln in the face.]
Sisters: [concerned] "Ooh!"
[Lincoln steps back inside with a black eye and now incredibly furious at his sisters.]
Luna: "Sorry, buddy. Our bad."
Luan: "Well, at least, you gave it a shot."
Lynn: "I'll get some ice for that shiner."
Lisa: "X-ray machine, stat."
Leni: "I'm really sorry, Lincoln."
[The girls all try to apologize to Lincoln for their meddling, which he is through hearing.]
Lincoln: [infuriated] "Quiet! Every time you guys butt into my life, you make things worse! Well, guess what? Never again! No! More! Meddling!" [walks to his room and slams the door in rage as his sisters stand there feeling guilty.] "I knew it all along. I should never have listened to them. My sisters are always wrong."
[Someone whistles from outside to get Lincoln's attention.]
Lincoln: "Huh?" [looks out his window on one end as a rock comes flying in through the other end and sees there's a note attached to it and reads it.]
"Sorry, Lame-O. I need to decided which boys who can have the best dance moves tonight."
Lincoln: "Sorry, Lame-O. I need to decided which boys who can have the best dance moves tonight." [confused; smiles and looks out the window and gets a steak thrown at his eye; notices it has a note too and reads it.] "For your eye. XOXO, Ronnie Anne." [smiles hopefully, places steak over his shiner and turns to the viewers.] "Okay, I think I'm gonna need some more help but only for David"
David: Hey Lincoln. How does it go?
Lincoln: Well, Ronnie Ann gave me a black eye.
David: Ooh. So that mean your sister ruined for you?
Lincoln: Yes but Ronnie Ann gave me a note about that she need to find a boys who has the best dance moves for the dance tonight.
David: I'm sorry to disagree with you but dancing is too hard.
Lincoln: Okay, I guess that will be. She'll be embarrous when I do the refridgerator dance.
David: The what?
Lincoln: You don't know about the refriodgerator dance? Oh I see. Well, She'll get embrroused anyway.
David: Wait! Let do this.
Lincoln: Okay, Just follow my lead.
[Lincoln started beatboxing as he started to sing]
Lincoln: ♪ Open the fridge ♪
David: ♪ Open the fridge ♪
Lincoln: More feeling!
[Lincoln started beatboxing as he started to sing]
Lincoln: ♪ Open the fridge ♪
David: ♪ Open the fridge ♪
Lincoln: ♪ Get the milk ♪
David: ♪ Get the milk ♪
Lincoln: ♪ Check for leftovers ♪ Toss your leftovers ♪ With a little booty shake ♪ And you said dancing is hard.
[At the Elementry School Dance]
David: So where's Ronnie Ann?
Lincoln: Well, here she come right now.
Ronnie Ann: Hey Lincoln. Where is the one boy to decided?
Lincoln: I have David.
Ronnie Ann: Isn't he's too old to dance with young girlfriend?
David: Just because I'm old doesn't mean I can do the refridgerator.
Lincoln: Do your thing, big boy.
David: Follow my lead. ♪ Open the fridge ♪ Grab the eggs ♪ Open the mayo ♪ Spread the mayo ♪ All over your face ♪ I want a pickle ♪ Fishin' for a pickle ♪
( laughing )
David: ♪ Now, grab that pickle and swing ♪ Now, grab that pickle and swing ♪
Ronnie Ann: Stop! What are you doing?
David: I'm swinging an invisible pickle! Oh. Nevermind, I'll try a different dance.
[David dance with Ronnie Ann and toss her in the air]
Ronnie Ann: Aaahhh!
David: Talk about a lightweight. Ooh, here she comes.
Ronnie Ann: Put me down!
David: Bet nobody can't toss you around like a rag doll.
Ronnie Ann: Get away from me!
David: Oh, come on! I haven't even swung you around by your feet yet!
( phonograph record needle scratches )
Lincoln: Cue it up, G!( dance music playing )
♪ We're gonna make it ♪ Gonna rock our bodies from left to right ♪ Left to right ♪ We're gonna make it ♪ Yeah, we're shooting for the satellites ♪ Satellites ♪ Drop the beat, tropical ♪ They're gonna move their body to the groove ♪ Fly away, shy away ♪ Rock 'N' roll with the punches ♪ Dance the night away ♪ Wanna get it right-right , get it right tonight ♪ Floating through the club like a satellite ♪ Any of us know what got us here? ♪ Super party's rockin' in the atmosphere ♪ Ohh ♪ Everybody's going over the edge tonight ♪ Edge tonight ♪ Ohh ♪ We're moving through the sky like satellites ♪ Satellites ♪ We're gonna make it, make it ♪ We're gonna make it, make it, make it ♪
( cheers and applause )
Lincoln: Okay everybody. I hope you enjoyed.
David: Wow, Lincoln. Those dance moves are amazing
Ronnie Ann: Yeah! He does. Those dance moves are the best.
David: Well, Look like Lincoln did it on his own and... it's too bad that his sisters are upset about what they done. [to the viewer] Do you think they're still meddler? I don't think so. I'll go and talk to them. [to sisters] Hey guys. What's a matter and why do you always meddling your only brother? Well, technogily I was the second brother but mostly why do you always meddling your only brother?
Lori: He's our brother. Sometimes, we want to make sure he's safe.
Luan: I want to help him make the right choices.
Lana: We get worried about him.
David: But now he's more upset than every. It's good that you're always there for him, but sometimes, he wants to handle things on his own.
Lynn: I guess you're right.
Lola: We do go a little too far sometimes.
Lucy: We should apologize.
David: I should go talk to him first. Be right back.
[As Lincoln and Ronnie Ann dance together, David came back to them.]
Lincoln: Oh hey David.
David: Listen, we need to talk. I know your mad about when your sister are meddling your life but your their brother and they want to make sure that you're safe. How will you feel about it?
Lincoln: (sigh) I guess I feel bad about it. I'm such a jerk. [Lincoln came up to his sister and apologize to them.] Hey guys. Listen, I just want to apologize. You did tell me about the whole bully thing like Ronnie Ann.
Lola: Wait, who?
David: Ronnie Ann is the one who bully Lincoln and made everyone made fun of him.
Lincoln: It's true. I couldn't stand you guys about meddling my life but I shouldn't been so mean to you that you guys trying to protect me. I just want say... I'm sorry.
Luna: Oh bro. You're not the one who should apologize. We've all been jerks.
Lynn: Yeah, We gone a little overboard for helping you.
Lincoln: Okay. Let's all take it really easy from now on when I have a problem and you guys trying to help.
[A bully put his gum on David's hair]
David: Hey you! That's not nice!
[Everyone laughing at him as he walk away.]
Lincoln and his sister: Starting tomorrow
[They run after David.]
David: Cue it up, G!
( dance music playing )
♪ We're gonna make it, make it, make it ♪ We're gonna make it, make it, make it ♪ Gonna rock our bodies from left to right ♪ Make it, make it, make it ♪ Left to right, right, right ♪ Everybody get down tonight ♪ Sending out a signal like a satellite ♪ I can see the flight, but it ain't a-risin' ♪
( vocalizing )
♪ Rock the beat, tropical ♪ They're gonna move their body to the groove ♪ Fly away, shy away ♪ Rock 'N' roll with the punches-- dance the night away ♪ Any of you know what got us here? ♪ Super party's rockin' in the atmosphere ♪ Everybody's going over the edge tonight ♪ Edge tonight ♪ Ohh ♪ We're moving through the sky like satellites ♪ Satellites ♪