Special Thank to Luna and Sam 1515 for her help

[The episode begin with video game sound effects are heard; Lincoln is playing a VR game where you fight zombies with breakdancing.]

Lincoln: "Take that, zombie!" [twerks] "Feel my twerk, you evil jerk!" [killing zombies; does a pelvic thrust.] "Hoo!"

[Lincoln continues to breakdance; he goes up the stairs and does more moves in the hallway where he then enters one particular room.]

Lori: "Lincoln!"

Lincoln: [takes the goggles off and sees Lori making an angry expression at him.] "AAHHH!"

Lori: "There's only one rule in this house: Stay out of my bedroom! If I catch you in here again, I will literally turn you into a human pretzel!" [on the phone] "No, not you, Bobby." [giggles] "One sec, okay?" [kicks Lincoln out of her room.]

[Lincoln puts his goggles back on and continues to dance the zombies away.]

Lincoln: "Oh, yeah!" [goes into the bathroom; realizes what he's doing in there.] "Zombies don't need to see this." [takes the goggles off and sets them on the sink.]

[There's a knock at the door.]

Lincoln: "Occupied!"

[The knocking then turns into a pounding.]

Lincoln: [annoyed] "I can't believe some..." [answers door to see Lori is there.]

Lori: [on the phone] "Bobby, you'll never guess what Whitney said to me today."

Lincoln: [rhetorically] "That you don't respect a man's privacy?"

Lori: [ignoring Lincoln and kicking him out.] "No, silly! Not even. She was all like..."

[Lincoln goes to his room and realizes something.]

Lincoln: "Oh no! My gaming glasses!" [rushes to the bathroom but is stopped by Lola and Lana who are dressed in some kind of authority attire.]

Lola: "No running in the hallway!"

Lincoln: "Huh? What are you talking about?"

Lana: "Oh sorry, Lincoln. We're the new hall monitors at school, so Lola thought that we're practicing at home and I don't think it's a good idea."

Lola: Shut it!

[She give Lincoln a ticket.]

Lola: "If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown! We already locked up Luan for telling bad jokes." [reveals Luan in a cardboard jail cell.]

Luan: "Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months!" [laughs to rimshot] "Get it?"

Lola: "That's five more minutes, dirt bag!"

Lincoln: "Okay, okay. I'll walk within the speed limit. I swear."


Lana: "Easy Lola, It's just an expression."

Lola: Expression, Schmession!

[As they leave for their room/office, Lincoln goes to the bathroom to find that his goggles are now totaled.]

Lincoln: "Someone stepped on my glasses! NOOOOO!"

[Since Lori kicked him out when he left them in there, he automatically blames her and sees that she left in the family van.]

Lincoln: [enraged] "LORI! YOU DIRT BAG!"

[Later, Clyde and I are being told the story of the incident.]

Lincoln: "One minute I'm electric-sliding with the undead, and the next..." [groans] "It's all Lori's fault!"

David: Oh, calm down, Lincoln! I'm sure it was an accident.

Clyde: [holding the goggles] "I can't believe it!"

Lincoln: "I know! She didn't even say sorry!"

Clyde: [lovestruck] "No. I can't believe these were touched by Lori's beautiful tootsies..." [cradles the glasses]

Lincoln: "Snap out of it, Clyde! Lori's a monster! All she cares about is talking on her stupid phone! Well, I'm going to give her a call she'll never forget..."

David: Easy little bro. Maybe you should talk to her.

Lincoln: I'm sorry but she left me no choice.

Clyde: "What are you gonna say?"

[Lincoln 'dials Lori's phone number on his duck phone.]

Lincoln: [impatient] "Agh. Must be charging her phone. No worries. I'll just leave it on her voicemail."

Voicemail: "Hey, this is Lori. You know what to do."


Lincoln: "Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln. There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, selfish, heartless, pushy, bossy, mean sister! You ruined my life, and it makes me really angry! And that is why you are the WORST SISTER EVER!" [hangs up] "What do you think, guys?"

[Clyde and I faints; enter Lori]

Lori: "Hey, bro. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry I stepped on your stupid toy. So I went out and bought you a stupid new one."

Lincoln: [shocked at her generosity] "You did what now?"

Lori: [hands him new glasses] "Also, I'm very impressed you didn't freak out over this. Very mature."

Lincoln: [nervously chuckles] "Yep. That's me. Mr. Mature." [As Lori leaves, Lincoln realizes he made a terrible mistake.] "Clyde! What have I done? I called Lori the worst sister ever, but she was actually sorry for what she did. What am I gonna do?!

David: Calm down Linky. I think it will be better that you should... [talking in slow-mo] Taaaaalk... Tooooooo... Heeeeer...

Lincoln: Oh, you were right, David! I should've just talked to Lori in the first. If Lori listens to the voicemail, I'll be turned into a human pretzel. We gotta delete the message!"

Clyde: But how?

Lincoln: Hmm. We'll need to think of a plan.

[Lincoln, Clyde, and I are peaking out the door; Lori locks the door to her room as she goes downstairs. Lola and Lana are tracking a trail of poop that leads from Lynn and Lucy's room to Luan and Luna's.]

Lana: "I know poop when I see it, and that's definitely some poop."

David: "Drat! The po-po! I can't go through, so I'm gonna have to go over!"

[Lincoln sneaks by while the twins check the sound he made only to see he's nowhere; he's hiding up on the top of the doorway and tosses a hamster treat that Geo goes after.]

Lola: "Hey, fur ball! No speeding!"

[Lola give chase to Geo.]

Lana: Lola, Geo is a hamster and he was suppose to run!

[Lana run after her.]

[Lincoln sneaks into the vent.]

Lincoln: "We're in."

David: [with a schematic of the house] "Great. Proceed two clicks north, hook a left, and you should be right over the target."

[Lincoln heads down that pathway.]

Lincoln: "I've got eyes on the package."

[He breaks into Lori's room and finds the phone still charging.]

David: "Lincoln! Lori's coming!"

Lincoln: "Okay. Clyde, You're going to have to stall her!"

Clyde: "Roger that..." [draws a mustache on his upper lip with a marker and tears off his shirt, revealing a white tux underneath it and acts so suave as Lori approaches.] "Hey, beautiful, you take these stairs often?"

Lori: [throws her arms around him and swoons] "I will now...handsome~..." [winks to him]

[Lincoln grabs the phone and starts playing the message.]

Message: "Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln."

[Lincoln deletes it]

Phone: "Message deleted."

[Lincoln sneaks out right before Lori enters; and it turns out it was all just a dramatization of what could happen.]

Lincoln: "And that's how we're gonna do it!"

David: "I love it!

Clyde: Me too. Especially the part where I get to talk to Lori." [starts applying perfume onto him.]

Lincoln: [coughs] "Is that perfume?"

Clyde: "Yeah. It's my Nana's."

Lincoln: "Here are the blueprints for the vents." [hands Clyde a drawing of them with some red stuff all over it.]

David: "Are these food stains?"

Lincoln: "I eat ketchup-sandwiches while I floor-plan." [hears a door opening] "Quiet! Lori's coming!"

[Lori locks the door to her room as she goes downstair.]

Lincoln: "Okay, let's do this."

David: [hops over to the position from the dramatization.] "WE'RE IN POSITION!"

[The loud feedback on the other end knocks Lincoln back.]

Lincoln: "Roger that." [sees Lola writing Lily up for not wearing her diaper.]

Lola: "No, I can't let you off with a warning!"

Lily: [laughs]

[Lincoln sneaks by, but Cliff gets on his hat and starts padding it; Lincoln shoos him off only for the cat's tail to hit his nose and stifles a sneeze with Lily's diaper.]

Lola: "Next time, remember. This is a mandatory diaper zone!"

[Lincoln realizes he just used it and throws up; this gets the twin guards' attention and he's hiding up the doorway, but his hands are covered in ketchup, causing him to slip.]

Lincoln: "Gah...ketchup fingers..."

[The twins see Lily crawling away.]

Lana: "She's making a crawl for it!"

[They chase after her; Lincoln manages to sneak into the vents.]

Lincoln: "Clyde, David, I'm in."

[Lucy is right next to him.]

Lucy: "Hey, Lincoln."

Lincoln: [screams] "Lucy! What are you doing in here?"

Lucy: "I come here to think. I actually just wrote a new poem called "Ventilate".

Inside the wall
I choose to be alone
If I ever get stuck
Please listen for my moan.

Lincoln: [nervous] "Riiight.[chuckles] "Clyde, get me to Lori's room, now." [creeps away from Lucy]

Clyde: "Go three clicks, and a right. Or was it three rights and a click? Wait. What's a click?"

Lincoln: [crawling around] "Never mind. I think I'm there." [falls through the vent hatch and slips; Lucy catches him before he hits the bathroom floor.]

Lucy: "Hey, Lincoln."

Lincoln: "Phew. Thanks, Luce."

[Lincoln's radio fell into the toilet.]

David: "Lincoln! Everything okay?"

Lincoln: [swings and plunges the radio out] "Yeah, David." [groans at the soggy texture his radio has been contaminated with.] "Everything's perfect."

[More vent excavations]

Lincoln: "I've got eyes on the package."

Clyde: "Package? What about Lori's phone?"

[Lincoln and I facepalms and Lincoln enters Lori's room via a red rope; however, it seems to be coming undone.]

Lincoln: "Clyde, what kind of rope is this?"

Clyde: "Cherry licorice rope."

[Lincoln screams and thuds onto the floor; this gets Lori's attention as she heads up the stairs to check it out.]

David: [frantic] "Lincoln! Lori's coming!"

Clyde: [suave] "Don't worry, I'll stall her." [draws a fake mustache on his upper lip and takes his shirt off and approaches Lori only to be stunned by her beauty.]

Lori: "What?"

[Clyde suddenly gets a nasty nosebleed from his shyness.]

Lori: "Ugh! Gross!" [runs to her room]

David: Lincoln, Hurry or Maybe you can hide!

[Lincoln is just about to delete the message when he hears Lori just about to come on; she enters and looks around with an displeased look on her face; Lincoln is hiding under her bed; Lori kicks off her shoes right under them and they hit Lincoln in his face.]

Lincoln: "Ugh!" [shuts his mouth]

Lori: [suspiciously checks under her bed] "So, this is where all my shoes are." [sees all her shoes under her bed] [Lincoln had escaped her line of sight and tries reaching for the phone, but Walt perches right onto it and bites Lincoln's finger, making him hold in his yelp of pain; Lori's phone finishes charging.]

Lori: "Finally." [takes phone] "Ooh! New messages! I'm so loved!" [leaves]

Lincoln: [panicking] "Mission is compromised! The package is on the move! Clyde?"

[Clyde has covered his nostrils with tissues to clear up the bleeding.]

Lincoln: "Clyde! Do you read me?!"

David: Sorry Lincoln, I think Clyde has passed out.

[Lori is listening to all of her messages she got.]

Message 1: "Hey, babe. It's Bobby. Do you think we'll always be together?"

Lori: "Aww! Totes saving that one!" [saves it]

[Clyde faints again]

Message 2: "Hey, babe. It's Bobby again. Should our couple name be Bori or Lobby?"

Lori: [saves it] "Saved."

[Lincoln hurries to stop Lori from getting to his message and I come along, but Lola stop them.]

Lola: "We warned you, dirt bag!"

Lana: "Look! Luan's making a jailbreak!"

[Lola turn around]

Lincoln: Thank for the help, Lans.

[Lincoln makes a break for it downstairs.]

Lola: "Hey!"

Lana: "Forget it, Lols. Let's get doughnuts."

Lola: Well, Okay.

[They head out for a doughnut break; Lincoln gets downstairs and finds out that he's too late and Lori is already listening to his hateful message.]

Message: "Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln."

Lincoln: "Lori!"

David and Lincoln: [slow motion diving at her] "NOOOOO!" [thuds at normal speed] "Ugh!"

David: Too late!

Message: "There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are..."

[Lincoln looks on in horror, but Lori deletes it before the rant can begin.]

Lori: "Ugh! Delete! Lincoln, there are two rules in this house: stay out of my room, and never call my phone! My voicemail is full enough without useless messages from you!"

Lincoln: I'm sorry. I broke these rules in the house. I know you'll try to say to me that I'm terrible, horrible, dim-wit, irresponsible, childish, immature, block head, annoying, and stupid brother!

David: When you say something about "block head, Does it make you feel like Charlie Brown?"

Lincoln: [to David] Yes. [to Lori] I ruined your life, and it makes you really angry! And that is why you are the worst brother ever!"

Lori: (notices Lincoln's upset look and begins to feel bad about how she treated him) "*sighs* No, you're not the worst brother ever." (kneels down to Lincoln and puts her hands on his shoulders) "I'm really sorry Lincoln. I don't know what came over me today. I feel bad now because you did nothing wrong and I was being unreasonably mean to you. I know it might not seem like it, but I love you Lincoln. I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

Lincoln: (smiles at Lori) "Yes, Lori. I forgive you."

David: Aww.

Lori: What do you say? Do you wanna get some ice cream at 4:00?

Lincoln: Sure.

Lori: Thanks (as she leave and went back to her room.)

David: Well, Lincoln. I'm proud of you that you talk to her.

Lincoln: Thanks David. I totally learn my lesson today.


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