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Special thanks to Smile159 for helping me.
[Nighttime at the Loud house, Pop-Pop is reading a bedtime textbook to Lisa.]
Albert: "And that's why you never mix radium and terbium. The end."
Lisa: [Yawns] "I love a happy ending."
Albert: [Laughs] "Me too. Oh, how's your project going? Your mom said you had a big break through."
Lisa: "Indeed I have, if my work continues to progress this pace, human teleportation should be a reality, in seventy-three years."
Albert: "That's fantastic kiddo, I'm sure sorry I won't be around to see that, but, I know you can do it. Now, where's my Lisa hug?" [The two hug] "Night sweetie."
[Albert turns the light off, and quietly leaves, closes the door, and Lisa turns the light back on and gets up.]
Lisa: "Won't be around to se that? But, I'd already penciled him in to be my plus one for the Nobel prize reception. I need to make sure Pop-Pop will still be around in seventy-three years," [puts her glasses on] "and our friend science will help." [She gets out of bed. To her tired roommate.] "I better put on a pot of cocoa, this could be a late one."
[Lily rolls her eyes and plops down.]
[The next morning, Lisa is still reading her books, throws one away and picks up another, in which she finds what she's been looking for.]
Lisa: [Gasps] "Eureka." [Goes to Lily] "Look here Lily, there's a village in Italy whose residents live well into their hundreds." [Turns to a picture of a skateboarding elder.] "This woman is a hundred and twenty-six years old." [Lily gasps with amazement.] "I know." [Lily reaches, Lisa looks in the direction and sees what Lily was really gasping about.] "Oh, I see, you just want your pacifier, but if you understood, you would be impressed." [Lisa goes over and gets Lily's pacifier for her, and she loves it.] "Now I need to do is apply the basic principals of their healthy Italian lifestyle to Pop-Pop."
[Lily falls backwards in love with her pacifier.]
Lisa: Mmm. I'm gonna need some extra help.
[Cuts to me finishing my chores at home. Then I get a text from Lisa.]
Me: Lisa needs my help, huh? I better see what she wants.
[Later, Lisa, Pop-Pop, and I are at the mall.]
Me: So, you wanna give your Pop-Pop a long lifestyle?
Lisa: That's right.
Me: And how are you gonna do that?
Lisa: I have many ways.
Albert: "What do you wanna do Lis? Eat soft pretzels? Catch a movie?"
Lisa: "I had something else in mind, I nice brisk walk."
[Pop-Pop is surprised by this.]
Albert: "Oh, okay sure."
Lisa: "See, I've been doing some research on increasing human lifespan and, thought we could make some modifications to your lifestyle."
Albert: "Well, I suppose a nice stroll never hurt anyone."
Lisa: "Precisely, now if you'll just put this around your wrist." [Gives Pop-Pop a metal bracelet.] "It's a heart monitor. No point in a brisk walk if we aren't elevating the heart rate now is there?"
Albert: "Alright kiddo, you set the pace."
Me: We could do a normal.
[Lisa thinks, and looks over towards the sound of a Lady's voice.]
Mall Mom: "Are you ready Ryker?"
[Ryker rides a motorized bear at the 'Zoo Zippers' kiosk. Lisa gasps and gets an idea. Later, she is zooming down the mall on a giraffe, with Pop-Pop on a rope, trying to keep up. His heart monitor beeps, and he Lisa give thumbs up, until Pop-Pop trips.]
Me: Sheesh, she said we were going for a walk, not a fast run.
[Back at Sunset Canyon, everyone is getting ready for lunch, the waiter brings out plates of steak, and places it around, the elders start eating.]
Myrtle: "This is even juicier than that kobe beef I had in Kyoto."
Scoots: "And these potatoes taste like they've been kissed by angels." [Kisses them]
[Pop-Pop puts on his napkin, and prepares for his own meal, which is a raw fish.]
Albert: "I think I got someone else's order."
Lisa: "Nope, that raw fish is for you, I've made arrangements with the chef for you to get special meals from now on."
Albert: [Unsure about this] "Oh." [Picks up the fish] "Is this part of my new, lifestyle?"
Lisa: "Indeed, this nutrient dense meal is sure to increase your lifespan, you'll be having it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner."
Me: [sighs in disappointment] Here, Al. Maybe some lemon juice will make it taste better. [squirts lemon juice on the fish]
Lisa: Go ahead, Pop-Pop. Eat it.
[Lisa and I continue eating. Albert eats the fish and is really grossed out.]
Me: Maybe we should've went with salt.
[Later, Albert's room is set to ninety-nine degrees, and Lisa has him in sweats.]
Albert: "Lisa, sweetie, can we turn down the thermostat? I'm boiling like a lobster."
Lisa: "Awe, try to hang in there, my research shows that exposure to extreme heat followed by extreme cold will help rejuvenate your cells."
Albert: "Uh, what's this extreme cold you're talking about?"
[The retirement home pool is full of ice. Bernie quickly swims out.]
Bernie: "Oh, forget this."
Scoots: [Offscreen] "You're weak Bernie!" [Scoots is on an inflatable mat, on her scooter, and in a bikini, shivering.] "Weak!"
Me: Seriously?
Albert: "I'm not so sure about this Lis."
Lisa: "Please Pop-Pop? It's necessary."
[Albert puts on a game face, drops his towel on Lisa's head, and cannonballs.]
Albert: [Freezing] "Hot diggity dog." [Shakes it off] "Okay, I'm good." [Attempts to leave.]
Lisa: "Nah-ah, thirty minutes."
Bernie: [Floats by in an ice block.] "You get used to it."
[Albert continues freezing.]
[That night, Lisa is prepared to leave.]
Lisa: "Okey-doke, this is all the info you need for your new lifestyle, please, stick to this guide."
Albert: "I'll do my best kiddo. Now, where's my Lisa hug."
[Lisa gives it to him, and she and I go to Vanzilla.]
Lisa: "Mission accomplished."
[We enters the van, and it drives off.]
[The next day, Leni and Lisa are at the Royal Woods Mall.]
Leni: "Here we are Lis. Ready to hit the sales?"
Lisa: "Mmm, no thank you, I'm not here to buy, I am here to spy." [Activates a pair of binoculars on her glasses, and looks around. She sneaks around the mall, and sees a posse of power walkers pass by. She notices the back of one in particular with white hair.] "Looks like Pop-Pop's doing well, he's even gotten some other seniors on board with his new regimen." [Converts her binoculars back to glasses and follows after.] "Wait up Pop-Pop." [The seniors are confused and turn around, including the one Lisa noticed, who was a stranger.] "Ooh, uh, never mind." [Backs away] "My apologies."
[Lisa continues searching, and gasps when she sees Pop-Pop getting a pedicure. Bernie walks up to him.]
Bernie: "Al, hurry up, the bus is leaving."
Albert: "Hang on, my top coat's still wet."
[He leaves the money, and waddles away.]
Lisa: "That wasn't the brisk exercise I prescribed, guess I'm going to have to keep a close eye on him, but I'm going to need a disguise. Hmm." [Looks at the store behind her, and sees and elderly woman outfit closely resembling her own.]
[Back at Sunset Canyon, Lisa is wearing her disguise, and looks over at Pop-Pop waiting for lunch. Albert gets and eats the raw fish, Lisa is satisfied. Pop-Pop's plate is taken away, and he discretely points to something, and is given a plate of pancakes and bacon.]
Albert: [Eats] "Mmm, mmm, mmm, oh yeah."
[Lisa shakes her head. At the pool, Albert and Bernie prepare to go swimming, Lisa watches.]
Lisa: "At least he's sticking to the cold pool."
Albert: "Cannonball!" [Jumps in. Lisa gets splashed.]
Lisa: "Hey, it's warmer than bath water."
[Albert and Bernie play keep away with a volleyball.]
Albert: "Now watch out I'm a shark."
Lisa: [Sighs] "I suppose it is only human nature to resist change, but there must be some way to prolong Pop-Pop's life without requiring him to put in too much effort."
[Suddenly she get's hit with the volleyball.]
[That night in her room, Lisa in working on something. Much to Lily's annoyance. That morning, Lily is playing with her bunny, and Lisa wheels up something.]
Lisa: "Behold, youngest sibling, my new improved method to elongate Pop-Pop's life." [Removes the white sheet from what appears to be a robot suit on an Albert shaped mannequin.]
Lily: "Heh?"
Lisa: "Well it's quite simple really, these sensors will regulate his temperature, improve his muscle tone, and much more. As long as he wears them he's guaranteed to live a long life." [Takes a second look at it.] "But I suppose the whole thing is a bit of an eyesore, good thin I have Leni to turn to for fashion help."
[Back at Sunset Canyon, Lisa enters with a suit cover on a robotic arm attached to her back. Albert and Scoots are eating pudding. Albert sees Lisa and throws away his pudding.]
Lisa: "No need to hide the evidence of your frozen delicacy Pop-Pop, I've made some adjustments to my plan and you'll no longer be restricted to the raw fish diet."
Albert: [Relieved] "Glad to hear it. What's with the change of heart kiddo?"
Lisa: "I realized that the regimen was too taxing, so I came up with an alternative." [Shows the suit, which Albert likes.] Inside are sensors that will extend your lifespan without requiring any sages to your daily behavior."
Albert: "So I can go back to living my life the way it was before?"
Lisa: "As long as you're wearing the suit."
Albert: "You got a deal."
[Later, Albert and Lisa are playing video games together.]
Lisa: "Target on the left Pop-Pop."
Albert: "I see him. Boom!" [Laughs]
[I enter]
Me: I got your text, Lisa. It says you thought of a better lifestyle for your Pop-Pop.
Lisa: That's right. And it's this special suit. The sensors in it will keep Pop-Pop living for a long time, and he won't have to do the jogging, eat raw fish, or swim in cold water.
Me: Good.
[Bernie and Seymour walk up.]
Seymour: "Dang Al, great suit, you're sure looking fly."
Albert: [Laughs] "Thanks, my granddaughters made it for me."
Bernie: "We're just on our way to the pharmacy for some gossip and lotto tickets. Wanna join?"
Albert: "Sure, that sounds-"
[Just then, the flower on the suit starts beeping.]
Lisa: "Not so fast, your suit's battery power is low, come on, I set up a charging station in your room." [To Bernie and Seymour] "Excuse us gentlemen."
[Lisa hots the recliner in Albert's chair, and he's sent flying. Later, he's in the charging station.]
Albert: "So, how long do I have to sit in this thing?"
Lisa: "The suit needs to charge for three hours."
Me: Three hours?
Albert: "Guess I better wet my whistle first."
[Leans over to get a glass of water, when another beep goes off.]
Lisa: "Nah! You must remain perfectly still, the sensors cannot disengage from the charger."
Albert: [Sits back down] "Got it. Ha, sure hope this thing doesn't need to be charged often."
Lisa: "Just five times a day."
[Albert's not entirely pleased to hear that.]
Me: That's not fine! He can't just-
Lisa: Relax, Cris. He'll be fine.
[Three hours Later, Albert is trying to get his drink through an elongated straw, when an alarm and a green light on the charging station go off.]
Lisa: [Wakes up from her nap] "Fantastic, the suit is all charged up." [Albert tries to get out of the station, muscles slightly cramped.] "What should we do now Pop-Pop?"
Albert: "Uh, ooh, how about we play some shuffleboard with my buds."
Lisa: "Oh, sorry Pop-Pop, we can't go outside, the rays from the sun could damage the sensors in the suit."
Albert: [Sighs] "Guess I'll just play shuffleboard at night from now on."
Lisa: "Well, as long as there's no moon out. Obviously moonlight is just sunlight reflected off the moon." [Albert whimpers. Lisa's watch goes off.] "Ooh, actually, I should probably head home for dinner."
Albert: "Wait, where's my big Lisa hug?"
[Albert tries to hug Lisa, but she dodges him.]
Lisa: "Yah! Ee! You can't touch anyone."
Albert: "What?"
Lisa: "The oils from human skin could damage the sensors, from now on, you'll need to refrain from all physical contact."
Albert: [Sighs] "So no more Lisa hugs?" [Lisa shakes her head] "No more high fives with Seymour?" [Lisa shakes her head] "No more dancing with Myrtle?" [Lisa shakes her head]
Me: You know what, Lisa? This suit was good at first, but now it's doing nothing but ruining your Pop-Pop's life. You've been making everything unfair for him.
Lisa: But I was just helping him.
Me: Helping him do what? Nothing? This is just a waste of time. [starts to leave]
Lisa: Cris? Oh, dear.
Albert: "Lis, we need to have a talk." [Takes Lisa onto the bed] "Thank you for making this suit, it's a super swell idea, but, I don't think I can wear it anymore."
Lisa: "What? Why?"
Albert: "Well, it's sweet you want me to live a long life, but, I wanna be able to play shuffleboard in the sun, and eat crispy potatoes everyday, and a life without Lisa hugs, well that's no life at all. And Cris is right. You are kinda making me do nothing."
Lisa: "Hmm, I see, so you're saying... What's the extra time good for if you won't get to enjoy it?"
Albert: "Exactly, besides I still got lots of great years ahead of me, and spending time with my grandkids is the part I look forward to the most."
Lisa: "Awe, I'm looking forward to that too. Lisa hug?"
[They hug]
Suit: "Physical contact detected."
[Albert and Lisa laugh.]
Lisa: "You know, I still have a little tie before dinner. What's say we ditch the suit and hit the shuffleboard court?"
Albert: "I'd love that."
[Later, they throw the suit in the dumpster.]
Bernie: [At the shuffleboard court] "Hey Al, wanna take a shot?"
Albert: "Yes I do." [Takes the shot, and wins.]
Seymour: "No!"
Albert: "Ha ha! Yeah!" [Hip check's Bernie. Myrtle skips up to Albert, and they dance] "Glad I can still cut a rug with my sweetheart."
Lisa: [Smiles, and goes up to them.] "Hey Pop-Pop, can I ask you to do one thing?"
Albert: "Sure."
Lisa: "Just keep being you."
Albert: "Don't have to ask me twice. Now who want's to play another round?"
[Then I arrive.]
Me: I got your text, Lisa. I'm so glad you decided to let your Pop-Pop live his life the way he likes.
Lisa: That's right. I'm very sorry about giving him that long lifestyle.
Me: It's okay. Ooh, they're playing shuffleboard?
Lisa: They sure are. Join us.
[Meanwhile, Scoots rides past the dumpster, then backs up and takes the suit.]
Scoots: "Whoo-hoo! Scoots is gonna live forever!" [Laughs and rides away.]
THE END