[I am seen in front of the house.]
Me: [to the viewers] Hello, everyone! It's your ol' pal, Cris with a true to life tale direct from Royal Woods. In the Loud House, we all know how Lincoln and 9 of his sisters are like doing their usual things.
[In the Loud House, Lincoln and 9 of his sisters are seen doing their usual things.]
Me: But I bet some of you wonder how the youngest sister, Lily lives her life. Why don't we take a look?
[Lily goes to the kitchen and yawns. Lynn Sr. is shown cooking and Rita talks to him.]
Rita: "Thanks for breakfast, honey." [Kisses him.] "I should be back around four, after I finish pulling Flip's wisdom teeth." [She makes an annoyed face.]
Lynn Sr.: I thought you already did that.
Rita: "He grew another set."
Lynn Sr.: "What?"
Rita: "You know, I was thinking, the kids have been really good this weekend, haven't they?"
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, they've been great. No calls from school,"
Rita: "No trips to the ER..."
Lynn Sr.: "I only had to raise my voice once!"
Rita: "We should do something special for the kids. How about taking them out for ice cream when I get back?"
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, I love it! We could go to Auntie Pam's Parlor!"
Rita: [Looks at Lily who has toy keys in her mouth.] "And you know what? I think someone's ready for her first taste of ice cream!"
Lynn Sr.: "Oh! This is my favorite of all the milestones!" [Talking to Lily] "What do you think sweetie? You wanna try some..." [slow motion and close up to Lynn Sr.'s mouth.] "ice cream?"
[Then Lily sighs and looks intent.]
Lily: Ice cream?!
Me: What's this? Lily and her first ice cream? This should be interesting.
[Lily imagines being in a pink sky on a cloud and there's a sundae floating in the air. She turns towards it and gasps, then reaches out to it, giggling. She then imagines an elephant/bird/teapot thing spraying chocolate sauce on the sundae and the rainbow melting into sprinkles that land all over the sundae, the cloud, and her. She giggles, then gummi bears leap off her head and into the sundae. She grabs it and goes flying through the air. Some whipped cream ends up on it and her head. Two spoons dance, then jump into the sundae. She laughs and claps, then looks on in wonder as a cherry falls out of the sky onto the sundae. She begins to levitate towards it, however, just then, Rita comes and literally pulls her out of the daydream, while she screams. Back in reality, Rita is holding an unamused Lily.]
Rita:: "So, ice cream sounds good?"
Lynn Sr.: "Darn tootin'! If today goes OK, too!"
Rita: [affectionately to Lily] "Let's see if your siblings can behave for just a few more hours. And if they do, it's ice cream time!"
[Rita puts Lily on the floor and Lily imagines the ice cream, then imagines her siblings arguing.]
Imaginary Lisa: "Don't touch my glasses!"
Imaginary Lynn: "I can't believe you--"
Imaginary Lola: "Leni,---" [The siblings in Lily's imagination start arguing too quickly to make sense of.]
Lily: [Stops imagining and looks ticked] "Wah-wah! Grr!"
Me: I know how you feel, Lily. If the siblings cause trouble, that means no ice cream.
Me: Then you should go and tell your siblings, so they'll understand.
[Lily nods, then walks off looking grumpy]
[Lily is walking Lincoln and Lori into her and Lisa's room.]
Lincoln: "Uh, Lily, is everything OK?" [He and Lori look surprised to see that Lily has led their other sisters into her and Lisa's room too.]
Leni: "Isn't this cute?! Lily's calling a sibling meeting!"
[Lily walks over to the paper and crudely draws a sundae. She then points and babbles to it.]
Lola: "Good job, Lily; you drew an... upside-down tree."
[Lily facepalms, then tries to mime eating ice cream.]
Lincoln: "I think she's trying to tell us something!"
Lisa: "Perhaps the infant has some trapped wind."
[Lily facepalms again and Lori tries to burp her but she exclaims and flails her arms around.]
Lola: "You guys are all wrong; she's clearly waving at us!"
Leni: "I guess Lily called this meeting just to say hi." [waves] "Hi, Lily!"
Lily's siblings except Leni: [in unison] "Hi, Lily!"
Leni: "OK, well..."
Lily's sisters: "Bye, Lily!"
[Lily's siblings leave the room.]
Me: Sounds like no one understood Lily at all. Let's just hope there's no trouble at all.
[Lily then sees some toys discarded in the hallway and growls in frustration.]
Lynn Sr.: [singing offscreen] "Checking the mail, skippa-dee-bop. What did we get in the latest crop?"
Me: Uh-oh. Imagine what would happen if your daddy came and saw this mess, Lily.
[Lily looks nervous and imagines Lynn Sr. coming in.]
Imaginary Lynn Sr.: "Doo-be-doo--[steps on a toy] Ow, ow, ow! Oh, ow! [Steps on a skateboard and goes sliding along.] Whoa! [Falls off the skateboard and lands in a drum.] No more ice cream!"
[Lily screams and frantically moves the toys.]
Lynn Sr.: [enters the hallway] "Maybe a crop. Maybe a bill. [Lily sees a toy car where Lynn Sr.'s about to step and hastily grabs the controls and moves it away.] Checking the mail is always a thrill. Doo doo doo ba-da-ba-da! Doodley doo doo doo--[walks offscreen]"
Me: Good job, Lily! The hallway looks perfect, and your daddy got to walk without any issues.
[Lily smiles, then walks into the kitchen, where Lincoln is talking on the walkie-talkie and mopping the floor.]
Clyde: [through walkie-talkie] "Lincoln! I've got a code denim!"
Lincoln: "You're stuck in a pair of skinny jeans?!
Clyde: [through walkie-talkie] "I was trying to update my looks, but now I can't feel my legs!"
Lincoln: [puts the mop down] "Mopping the floor can wait. I'm on my way! [runs out of the kitchen] Don't struggle, Clyde, it'll only make it worse."
Me: Wet paint?! Oh, your parents wouldn't like that either, Lily. Can you imagine how they'll feel about it?
[Lily imagines her parents both slipping on the wet floor. She looks determined and slides along the floor, thereby drying the floor with her diaper. Soon, she was done.]
Me: Now that is one clean floor.
[Lily walks into the living room, where the twins are on the couch fighting over the TV remote.]
Lola: "I wanna watch my pageant show!"
Lana: "I wanna watch my penguin show!"
[The twins struggle, then Lana has the remote.]
Lana: "Got it!"
Lola: "Give it back!" [Jumps on Lana and they begin fighting, while Rita parks Vanzilla and Lily hears the car horn. She nervously runs towards the twins, then sees Lynn with her football on top of the stairs.]
Lynn: "Lynn Loud looks downfield but nobody's open! She's going for the quarterback sneak!"
[Lily looks nervous, then sees Luan with a spring-loaded boxing glove.]
Luan: "If all goes according to plan, my family will glove this prank!"
Me: Triple trouble?! Can you imagine how your mommy will react to this?
[Lily imagines Rita entering and being knocked down by the twins, tackled by Lynn, or punched by Luan.]
Imaginary Rita: "No more ice cream!"
Me: [to the viewers] Uh-oh. How is Lily gonna deal with this?
[Lily whistles for Charles, then rides on him and steals the remote from the twins. She then changes the channel.]
Woman on TV: "And now, back to Penguin Pageants!"
[The twins stop fighting, make a questioning sound, then watch intently. Lily, still riding Charles, whistles for Walt, who flies out of his cage and around Luan.]
Luan: "Walt, knock it off!" [She accidentally punches herself in the face with the glove and is knocked unconscious.]
[Meanwhile, Lily jumps off Charles and uses the glove to launch herself onto Lynn's face, knocking her over while the ball rolls downstairs.]
Lynn: "Oh no, it's a fumble!" [Points, Lily looks worried, Rita enters and Charles catches the ball. Rita looks confused, but happy.]
Rita: "Well, this is nice to see everybody getting along! And Luan's even taking a nap!"
Lynn Sr.: [enters] "Yep, they've been perfect all day. Not a single mess or meltdown."
Rita: "That's all I needed to hear."
Me: Is this really happening?
Rita: Kids, come down here please! [All the Loud kids assemble.] Do you want to tell them the surprise or should I?
Lynn Sr.: "You do it."
Rita: "You guys have been so well-behaved this week, we wanted to do-- Luan, wake up!--Something nice for you, so everyone get in Vanzilla because--"
Lynn Sr.: [excitedly] "I changed my mind, I wanna tell them, we're going for ice cream!"
[The siblings make various cheerful exclamations, from which can be heard "Awesome!" from Lincoln, "Yes!" from one of the sisters, and "Ice cream!" from Lola. Lily imagines a sundae, Charles imagines a dog treat. Lily somehow sees Charles's thought bubble and gives him a treat.]
Me: I'm so glad you're happy, Lily. [to the viewers] If Lily's happy, so any I?
Rita: Oh, hi Cris! Would you like to come with us for ice cream too? You can watch Lily try her first taste of ice cream.
Me: Of course I do, Mrs. Loud! [to the viewers] Well, it's time for everyone to get ready.
[Later, the Louds begin walking out the door.]
Lynn Sr.: "Catch up, my little tomatoes, time to head out!"
[Lily sees an ad on TV.]
Ad: "Come beat the heat at Aunty Pam's parlor, but make sure you get there by five; we're closing early this week. [Lily watches intently] Give our scoopers a break. Don't forget, five PM! One more time; five PM! Five PM!!"
[Lily notices on the clock that it's 4:31 and tries to get Lynn Sr.'s attention.]
Lynn Sr.: [picking Lily up] "I know, sweetie; I'm excited for ice cream, too!"[Turns the TV off.]
Me: Wait, Mr. Loud! The commercial mentioned-
[Lynn Sr. starts walking off, not listening to me.]
Me: Mr. Loud, you don't understand! [to the viewers] Oh, I hope we can make it on time.
[Everyone's in Vanzilla.]
GPS: "Your estimated arrival time at Aunty Pam's parlour is 4:46 PM."[Lily imagines the dot on the GPS turning into a cherry.]
Imaginary Cherry: "See you soon, Lily!"
Lily: [gasps] "Cherry!" [Suddenly, Vanzilla is stuck in traffic.]
Me: [pops up from in the trunk] Traffic Jam? You've gotta be kidding!
Rita: "There's never this much traffic on this street."
GPS: "Your new estimated arrival time is 5:05 PM!"
Lynn Sr.: "No biggie-- Aunty Pam's doesn't close 'til eight."
Me: [to the viewers] Yeah, we're not gonna make it.
[Lily starts reaching her hands out.]
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, you wanna play with Daddy's phone, Lily?!" OK, but please don't call Aunt Ruth again. It's two hours I'll never get back."
[He hands her the phone. Lily presses buttons on the phone, then throws it back.]
GPS: "Rerouting, make a U-turn onto Oakville Road."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, look at that. [imitating the GPS's voice] Lily accidentally found us a faster route." [drives off]
Me: Now that is some smart thinking.
GPS: "Your new estimated arrival time is 4:52 PM."
[Police sirens then sound, scaring Lily.]
Rita: "Shoot, what now!?" [pulls over]
Cop: "Ma'am, do you know your registration's expired? I'll have to write you a ticket for that. Get comfy; this could take a while."
Me: [to the viewers] Oh, how will Lily get rid of that cop?
[Lily puts one of her blocks in her blanket and uses it to unlock the police officer's bike, sending it rolling down the hill. He chases after it.]
Cop: "Ahh! My bike! Come back, precious!"
Rita: "Uh, thanks, officer, we'll take that as a warning! Woo-hoo!" [drives off]
GPS: "Your new estimated arrival time is 4:58 PM."
Me: [to the viewers] I hope two minutes is enough time.
GPS: "You have arrived at your destination."
Lynn Sr.: [checks pockets] "Uh-oh."
Rita: "Oh, honey, please tell me you didn't forget your wallet. This place only takes cash!"
[Lily angrily digs in the seat and finds a $20 bill.]
Lynn Sr.: "The emergency twenty! Lily, you've done it again!"
Lily's siblings:: [in unison] "Yay, Lily!"
Me: Thanks, Lily! You saved the day!
[Everyone but Rita and Lily is eating ice cream.]
Rita: "Hi, can I get one scoop of vanilla ice cream, please [Lily babbles and points at the picture of the sundae.] Haha, OK, I guess she has other ideas. One sundae, please."
[Rita gets given the sundae and sets Lily up to eat it. Lori watches with her phone.]
Lori: "You ready, Lily? OK, guys. I'm recording."
Lynn Sr.:: [teary-eyed] "I can't believe this is the last time we get to introduce a little Loud to ice cream."
Lily's siblings: [in unison] "Go, Lily!"
[All of a sudden, a bird flies by and knocks the sundae out of Lily's hands. Lily whimpers.]
Me: That's not good!
Rita: "Oh no, sweetie, don't worry, we'll get you a new sundae. [knocks on the window] Uh, excuse me!"
Luna: "No dice, dude. They close at five this week."
Lynn Sr.: "What? Huh? Think they'd advertise something like that?"
Me: And in 3... 2... 1...
[Lily starts to cry loudly, then Rita picks her up.]
Rita: "Oh, poor baby. Let's get you home." [The parents and Lily walk off looking somber. Everyone's in Vanzilla again.]
Lily's siblings except Luan and Lana: "Oh, it's OK, Lily."
Luan: "Cheer up, Lily."
Lana: "Oh, Lily..."
Leni: "I've never seen Lily look so sad."
Luan: "You'll get that ice cream 'sundae', Lily, perhaps when the road isn't so rocky! Don't have a mint chip on your shoulder about this!"
Lola: "Luan, read the room!"
Me: [to the viewers] Well, I guess this story is gonna have a sad ending.
[Lily sees Flip's and tries to get her parents' attention.]
Rita: "It's OK, honey; we'll be home soon!"
[Lily deliberately poops her diaper.]
Lucy: "Oh, what is that? It smells like a thousand angry skunks!" [everyone else groans and gags]
Me: [gags, to the viewers] Oh, I get what Lily's doing. She's gonna make the parents turn the van around and stop at Flip's Food and Flip. But why?
Rita: "Oh, somebody needs a diaper change, stat!"
[Later, Lynn Sr. carries Lily out of the bathroom and into Flip's.]
Lynn Sr.: "A little powder, a little wipey, now you've got a fresh new diapie! Doodley-doo... [Lily sees the ice cream in the freezer and struggles.] We've got a runner!"
[Lily jumps onto the freezer.]
Rita: "Look what Lily found!"
Lincoln: "That gives me an idea!"
Me: Of course! Why didn't we think of this sooner?
Lynn Sr.: [Making a sundae for Lily.] "One ice cream sundae coming up!"
Lincoln: Don't forget the gummi bears! [puts them on]
Lynn: "Whipped topping in the hizz-ouse! [puts it on]
Lola: "And some yummy cookie crumbles!"
[Lola puts a cookie on the bench, which Lana smashes it with her spanner and Lily sprinkles the crumbs on.]
Flip: [With a bandaged face, speaking in a garbled way and putting chocolate sauce on.] "And a large pile of chocolate sauce!" [falls over]
Rita: [takes the ice cream] "Thanks, Flip, but you're not supposed to be talking after your wisdom teeth surgery." [Puts a cherry on top and hands it to Lily.]
Luan: "You guys, she's about to try it!"
[Lily finally takes a spoonful and imagines herself in the pink sky with her family and me cheering for her. Everyone's in Vanzilla again and Lily has ice cream on her face.]
Lisa: "If I didn't know better, I'd say Lily orchestrated this whole thing."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, don't be silly, honey, she's just a baby, ha ha."
Me: [to the viewers] Well, that about ends our story of how Lily got her first taste of ice cream. See you next time for more true to life tales of Royal Woods. Bye!
[Iris out, Lily winks at the audience.]