[The episode begins with Clyde and Lincoln playing a car game, Lincoln is player one and Clyde is player two, they're on the final lap.]
Clyde: "Lincoln! Look out! Road cow!"
[A cow strides onto the road. Lincoln avoids the cow and drives to the finish, while Clyde waits for the cow to cross the road, Lincoln's screen gets covered with yellow text that says "Turbo-Tastic!" with stars floating on the corners, it also has a badge that has a star on the center.]
Game Narrator: "Turbo-Tastic! Player one! you've crushed the time for this track!" [while The Game Narrator is speaking, Clyde reaches the finish, Clyde's screen also gets covered with text, but green, and says "Safe!" with a badge that has a thumbs up hand on the center. Now speaking to…
[The living room. Lily is crying her eyes out and the siblings, David, and I are trying to calm her down.]
Leni: "Come on, Lily. It'll be okay."
Lisa: "Oh, little sibling. Don't fret."
Lori: "Come on, Lily. It's gonna be okay."
Lola: "Oh, come on, Lily. Don't cry."
Lincoln: [holding Bun-Bun] "Here, Lily. Want to give Bun-Bun a snuggle?"
[Lily responds by ripping the head off the stuffed animal, and goes back to crying.]
David: That was harsh.
Lana: "I don't know why she's so upset. All I did was eat her booger."
Me: Lana, gross!
[Lily stops crying, moves up to Lana and babbles...]
Lily: "That was Lily's booger!"
[Lily goes back to where she sat and resumes bawling. Lola begins jingling her coin purse above the upset baby.]
Lola: "This is useless. She's…
[Late afternoon in the Loud house, Lincoln is playing Muscle Fish while I watch him, when Leni walks in front of the screen]
Leni: "Sorry, Lincoln."
[Lincoln shrugs it off and keeps playing]
Lincoln: "Come on."
Leni: [Passes the screen again] "Sorry, Lincoln."
Lincoln: "Um, can I help you, Leni?"
Me: Yeah, what are you doing?
Leni: "I'm supposed to read a novel for English, but Lily's using them all to build a fort."
[Upstairs, Lily is in fact doing so. Suddenly, Leni finds a little purple book with a guitar on it]
Leni: "Ooh, found one. Also a green bagel."
Lana: [Suddenly appears] "I'll be taking that." [Pops it in her mouth and leaves]
Leni: [Takes a look in the book] "Cool, the main character's name Luna and she's got a sister named Luan and a br…
[Lola is using tweezers on her face when Lily reaches over]
Lori: "Ah, Lily!" [she is shown in Vanzilla's mirror, then pan over to Lily in her car seat reaching over to Lola] "No touchy." [Lily puts her hand down and frowns] "Lola's trying to get ready for her photoshoot today." [Lily groans and sits back] "Sorry, Lols. No one else could babysit, so I had to bring her along this time."
Lola: [Continuing to apply makeup] "No problem, I just prepped for these gigs in my sleep. This is my fourth local ad this month." [Lily steals her false eyelashes] "Today, I'm going with an understated look, but still hinting at glamour with these luxurious lashes." [Gasps loudly] "They're gone!" [Searches, then looks over at Lily, who is giggling and wearing…
[It's night time in the Loud house. The kids and I are cheering in the living room, watching TV.]
Lincoln: "Come on Lis, put that stuff down and watch Double Dare with us."
[Lisa is working with her chemistry set.]
Lisa: "Are you kidding?! I'm about to split an atom here!"
Marc Summers: [On the TV] "Okay, here's your first question." [Shows the TV, four kids are participating on 'Double Dare'] "Which element on the periodic table is represented by the number one? Is it hydrogen? Helium? Or firstium?"
Lisa: "Hydrogen, duh. Who in their right mind would guess 'Firstium'?"
Lynn: "No talking if you're not watching!"
Marc Summers: "Oh, hold on slime lovers, Double Dare is hitting the road! And we're coming to your town, so get ready..." [Reads from ca…